Fatal Funfair Attraction

I lost my phone the other day. I sent a text to it saying that if anyone found the phone please could they contact me and i would pay £50 for it's safe return. Well sure enough, 15 minutes later I get a call from a guy. "Great!" I thought until the situation took a turn for the worst. The man phoned my house number up after i sent the text and was being more than a little bit crazy. He said that someone else had phoned my phone that morning and was claiming that it belonged to them and that they had lost it last week. The person had also said that they would meet him to pick it up that day. I told him that was impossible and that he had found my work phone, i could tell him the first 10 numbers on there, the last few texts and to ring any personal number on there and the person on the other end would confirm it was mine. This was still not good enough for him and he said that if i wanted it back i would have to meet at the shops near my house at 1pm, the same time he had arranged to meet this other person. I was a bit freaked out but told him that i would definitely be there. I enquired as to who this other person was but he just said "I can't give you those details" as if he had suddenly landed a job on the telephone exchange and was bound by the fucking Data Protection Act.
Not wanting to lose out in anyway, i got to the rendevous point 10 minutes early and stood out in the pissing rain waiting for him to come. All i knew was that he had a silver transit and that, by the sound of his voice, he was middle aged- already the two biggest characteristics the Police look for in serial killers.
I stood there smoking a shielded cigarette, bemoaning my cursed luck when a car pulled up next to me. I took no notice of it until i heard a "Hi Paul!" coming from the now open window. I bent down and looked in. Sat inside the car was a girl i knew a while ago called Amy. Hers was the first number on my mobile and it was in the next couple of moments it became apparent that the stupid man had phoned the first number in my directory and had now compromised my position by telling this bunny boiler the vicinity in whih i lived. I had met her at a festival and initially enjoyed her company, it was only during the journey home when i was coming down and chatting with my friend that I reconciled that; she actually looked an awful lot like my mum, that I have enough problems in my life without oedipus jokes being fired at me mercilessly and that it would be best for all concerned if I never saw or spoke of her again. As such, I had been ignoring her texts for months and her phonecalls in the middle of the night had become most tiresome and now this goon had told her exactly where I'd be at exactly what time. "Amy!" I said puzzledly "what are you doing here?" "I got phonecall from a guy who had your phone and i thought I'd come and get it for you." Now this might have been a nice gesture if she didn't live in Surrey and I didn't live 50 odd miles away in fucking Reading. "Um, don't you think thats a bt strange" I enquired. "you could have just told him to ring my mum. Or my house. Or one of my friends?!" "Well i wanted to see you and you haven't been answering your phone." I was properly freaked out by this point and could not wait to get away from there. Just then the silver transit van entered the car park. It pulled up alongside the car and out stepped a fat, bedraggled guy who looked like Super Marios idiot brother. I could see he had my phone in his hand and thrust mine in his direction. "I really appreciate you bringing that back for me." I had planned to get the phone and then draw out the cash if he asked for it but now i just wanted away. "You must be Amy" he said, completely ignoring me "Is the phone definitely not yours then?" Before she could even answer i chimed in "No, the phone is definitely not hers. She just drove here to pick it up for me. All the way from Surrey." I took the phone from him, he didn't ask for the reward and I sure as fuck wasn't going to offer him one after this debacle, so I just thanked him profusely for returning it to me and shook his hand. As Mario left and climbed back into his van, I turned to Amy; "So just how were you planning to get the phone back to me when the only means of contacting me you have is on this phone? Actually, please don't even answer that and please don't contact me again" and i turned on my heels and quick stepped home in the rain, hoping that i wouldn't be followed. I looked back once to see her standing in the same spot staring in my direction. Perhaps it was a bit harsh of me but the whole sorry saga seemed a bit too much like a deleted scene from Fatal Attraction for my liking. And afterall that I really would have hoped that she'd have got the message. Regrettably, she's obviously not given up all hope of redemption as she's phoned me 3 times alredy this morning and 5 times yesterday.
Why me?